jahaja.

Jeg føler for å skrive på engelsk, så da gjør jeg det.


Im so nervous right now Schools starting in 12 days, and its scarying!
I just realized that Ive never started in a school/class where I didnt know anyone, before now.
And im moving into my own appartment in 14 days. It's just so silly, cause finally ill get away from home, but suddenly im scared. I feel like a little child, I feel like I need someone to hold my hand. Someone to hold around me and tell me everything's gonna be allright. But that someone doesnt excist, and ill have to make it on my own.

My closest friend is moving to indonesia in some days, so I wont have her support(of course, ill keep in touch through msn,facebook and so on, but its not the same). And my other friend(one of the few ive dared to tell stuff) she's also moving. Only like 1,5 hour away, but shes moving.
So, even though I have other friends, I feel pretty alone.

My depression is hanging over me like a dark cloud, and I cant seem to stop SI-ing. I mean, maybe its irresponsible of me to attend IB when im in this state? But I feel in some weird way that this is something I HAVE to force myself into doing. It's just something I have to do, as simple as that. But I cant help but thinking what might happen. I got a chronical stomach disease-thing, and it will surely make things hard(together with the depression it'll be like impossible). And everyone says IB is hard enough without these things! How shall I survive?
Im scared I wont be able to say a word(IB's in english, im not english, enough said).

Im just really stressed out now.

I did have an appointment with my psych today(the first in 2 months). And guess what? I got so nervous, and 2 hours before the appointment I called in and told them I was sick(which wasnt a complete lie, but anyway, it was just an excuse). I know I really should get down there and talk to her. But I hate talking to her.

I cant even get up in the morning now(tried to get up at 11 today). How on earth am i gonna manage to get myself up at 6 when school starts.
Blah.
Im afraid ill throw in the towel, that I wont show up at the first day of school.